We imagine what would happen if staffers had to take a shot every time Trump administration officials tried to blame Joe Biden for the mess the country is in.
|
Listen To This Story
 |
This is satire.
Congressional Democrats are running out of staffers after dozens of them fell ill with severe cases of alcohol poisoning. According to well-placed sources, a drinking game they recently started playing is to blame.
It is called “Bidenmaxxing.”
The objective of the game is for Democratic committee aides to take a shot of hard seltzer whenever a Trump administration official appearing before their respective panels tries to blame former President Joe Biden for something currently happening in the country.
“Man, it was just supposed to be a bit of fun,” Liam Pendergrass, a legislative assistant for the House Energy and Commerce Committee, said from the East Potomac Detox Center, where he ended up after the testimony of Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. last month. “After all, these guys have been in charge for a year and a half now, so we thought there was no way they could just keep blaming Old Man Biden for the mess they made of this country.”
He was wrong.
This week, after Congress returned from yet another recess, the heads of federal agencies and departments once again flocked to Capitol Hill to testify about their budgets and other issues. And, one after another, they tried to blame the nation’s malaise on the man who left the White House nearly 500 days ago.
As a result, at least 93 Bidenmaxxing Democratic staffers ended up in local hospitals, and the Capitol Police was forced to convert a storage room into an overflow drunk tank.
Madison Blankenship, the communications director for Senate Finance Committee Democrats, who is credited with inventing the game, said none of this makes sense.
“We handed them an economy that was the envy of the world, and now people have to pick up extra shifts to afford groceries or gas,” she said. “How is that on us?”
Blankenship added that the game should not have been dangerous. After all, the alcohol content of hard seltzer is equal to that of beer, and it would take a lot of shots to get seriously intoxicated and even more to develop a case of alcohol poisoning.
What she apparently did not take into account was how much Trump administration officials want to talk about Biden.
For example, the appearance of Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Scott Turner before the Senate Appropriations Committee nearly killed 14 aides on Thursday.
GILLIBRAND: What is your record?! I don't want to just hear about what you don't like about the Biden administration
SCOTT TURNER: During the Biden administra–
GILLIBRAND: Stop talking about Biden! Talk about your record
TURNER: During the Biden administration–
GILLIBRAND:… pic.twitter.com/E9XZM754nF
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 14, 2026
“Here is what I don’t get,” said Jackson P. Termader, a counsel for the Democrats on the House Armed Services Committee, as he was visiting four colleagues at Georgetown University Hospital who were still recovering from former Fox News morning show host and current Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth’s appearance before the panel two weeks ago. “Trump keeps talking about how we are in a ‘golden age’ and that everything is awesome, so what’s up with that?”
That is the question, isn’t it: What is up with that?
All we know is that a game that was supposed to be fun completely got out of hand.
That being said, Blankenship, its creator, said things could have been much worse.
“My first idea was ‘Ballroommaxxing,’ a game where we have to take shots of light beer every time a Republican said on Fox News that we need a White House ballroom,” she explained. “That would have killed us all.”